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The Effect Of Divorce On The Family: Implications For Counselling
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CHAPTER ONE
INTRODUCTION
BACKGROUND OF THE SYUDY
Marriage is a
social institution that is designed among other things to ensure the
happiness and fulfillment of men and women. Marriage according to
Olusanya (1982) is a sacred and permanent contract between a man and a
woman who have consented to live a life of fidelity and caring for each
other for the purpose of promoting their mutual growth and welfare
throughout their lives.
A family is the bedrock of any society. A
healthy family produces a healthy and crime free individuals in a
society, while an unhealthy and unstable family produces an unstable and
criminal congested society or community. A man from a troubled home
cannot be productive likewise a woman from an unstable home cannot be
termed a “virtuous woman†which produces a healthy and uncultured off
springs.
Marriage… made in heaven! Marriage vows… taken to be
together forever! The magical starting days of married life are full of
dreams and pleasure. But as the time passes, many couples may begin to
realize that they are not perfect for each other. They come to know
about the huge differences between them; and feel that they are not
compatible with each other. Small arguments may turn to big conflicts.
Sometimes these conflicts cross the tolerance limit and make it
difficult for the couple to live together and the couple starts thinking
about breaking the relationship and getting separated. Yes, they wish
to get a divorce!
Divorce is a legal termination of marriage between a
husband and wife. But why do marriages fail? It may be due to certain
marital problems such as aggressiveness of one of the partners, physical
or emotional abuse, alcohol or drug addiction, family stress and strain
or infidelity of a partner. Whatever might be the reason, but divorce
and separation is definitely painful for both the partners. And it’s not
all only about the couple; it also affects the entire family,
especially the children.
The institution of marriage commands high
social recognition importance in Nigeria. Traditional marriage grounds
itself in an arrangement between families and not essentially a union of
two individuals. It is also regarded as a union between a man and a
woman for the duration of their lives and also as a forum for wider
association between two families or two sets of families (Obi, 1966:
155). Expectations are that “marriage is for life†or “should be for
lifeâ€. This can be explained by the religious and socio-cultural beliefs
that the matrimonial home is sacred and the utmost fulfillment was in
marriage.
While marriage is supposed to be a beautiful special
relationship for the life and calls for harmonious integration of
husband and wife to “become one fleshâ€, many other factors
(psycho-social, cultural, education, economic and environmental show the
tendency for people inside marriage to deviate significantly). They
pursue autonomy and harmony simultaneously and these two are
diametrically conflicting goals (Adelson, 1970). This as Kalis (1970)
has noted, the particular nature of conflict in human relations may be
perceived rightly as the most abundant source of psycho-social problems
which threatens marriages and many other institutions.
Conflicts are
bound to emanate from the marriage relationship since it involves human
beings who have come from various cultural backgrounds and have
different individual and social values. The sum of the couple’s
reactions to their marital problems will ultimately determine the
survival of their marriage or its failure. Counsellors involved in
resolving marital conflict must necessarily understand the nature of
such conflicts if they must succeed in their enterprise. The study is an
attempt to understand the nature of marital conflicts as well as help
counsellors acquired skill in resolving conflicts general and marital
conflict specifically.
STATEMENT OF THE PROBLEM
Spouses usually work had toward handling these differences and difficulties but
some
are not able to resolve the differences and difficulties. Their
marriage fails. When marriages fail, divorce is the resultant effect.
There are some basic and fundamental needs for a stable and peaceful
marriage which cannot be overemphasized. Some major causes of divorce
include financial problems, sexual incompatibility, problems from
in-laws, religious incompatibility, financial problems, cultural
differences, lack of parental skills, poor communication, childlessness
(mostly in the African system and even the issue of a male child),
among other issues.
Marriage counselling is not yet as effective as
is psychotherapy or counselling directed at non-marital problems. In one
study, for example, about 66 percent of the subjects who received
marriage counselling reported the result “helpfulâ€. In contrast, 88
percent of the subjects who sought help for personal non-marital problem
reported the result as “helpful†(Guin et al 1960).
In Nigeria the
issue is not how effective marriage counselling is, it is its total
absence even in “official quartersâ€. This means that the divorce rate is
high (Weigh 1994) and even for marriages that seem to be together, the
couples are unhappy and only “bear their marriage as a big crossâ€
(Mbazue: 1995).
CHAPTER ONE -- [Total Page(s) 6]
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ABSRACT - [ Total Page(s): 1 ] The institution of marriage commands high social recognition and, importance in our society. Marriage is a social institution that is designed among other things by God to be enjoyed by humans and not to be endured. Since it involves two adults that comes together to live as one, conflicts will arise which will shake the union to its very foundation. Causes of the conflicts are numerous; some of them could be avoided with pre marital counselling, marriage counselling proper and post marital co ... Continue reading---
